


Recognition

by Marchling



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Magnus Bane, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, M/M, Not Really Character Death, POV Magnus Bane, Powerful Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-03 17:22:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19468603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marchling/pseuds/Marchling
Summary: A warlock has been arrested for the torture and murder of four Shadowhunters. This warlock, the Clave decided, was acting alone.Wrong.Magnus thought he was helping a young warlock but he was really being used to punish Alec. His own magic was being set up to be the death of his Alexander and there was nothing Magnus could do to stop it.---“I’ll let you out of those chains and all that suppressed magic is going to come right to the surface, ready to fight for your life. What do you think your magic will do to the armed Shadowhunter you don’t know you love?”





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This story takes place in a nebulous time period post season 3 but pre-epilogue (or whatever we're calling the time jump). I hope you enjoy!

“You’re sure you don’t need me to cancel my clients and come with you?”

Magnus tried to make his offer sound as casual as possible, like it was just an off the cuff idea. Except it absolutely wasn’t and Magnus was feeling in no way casual. Not after what had happened after the last two weeks. He was trying his best not to be overprotective but where Alec was concerned it was hard going.

His offer got a sweet smile from Alec, which was especially nice because Magnus was pretty sure that he was halfway to obnoxious considering that had been probably the fourth offer that morning alone. Alec wasn’t known for his patience, outside of Magnus and his family, and Magnus knew if he was anyone else Alec would be less amused more offended by the lack of trust in his abilities.

“Yes, Magnus, I’m really sure.” Alec took another sip from his coffee cup. The mug had been a gift from Izzy and was decorated with a smiling sun, which wasn’t his Alexander in the slightest. When it had migrated to his loft, he had nearly burst out laughing to see the thing.

His answer was exactly the same as it had been before but it made Magnus wilt ever so slightly. Just yesterday the Institute had finally apprehended a rogue warlock named Pierce Retteg who had been kidnapping Shadowhunters, torturing and finally killing them. The hunt for Retteg had taken nearly two weeks and four Shadowhunters had been killed in that time. Emotions were running high for everyone.

Magnus’ concern, bolstered by his leftover terror at the idea of Alec being next, was born of the conflicting reports that hinted at an accomplice. When Alec, Jace, and their team had found the warlock with his potential fifth victim, he had been found alone and nothing in the interrogations had given any credence to the accomplice theory. The Shadowhunter who had been saved had been drugged within an inch of her life and though she swore she heard Retteg talking to someone she also said that she hadn’t _seen_ anyone or heard a name or another voice.

The Lead Investigator that the Clave had sent in to “assist” with the case (read: interfere with) had decided that it was only a rumor designed to instill more fear and the Shadowhunter who had given her jumbled report after she had been healed had been deemed ‘too traumatized’ to be credible. And Magnus was actually inclined to believe that, considering they had gotten no further leads or inklings of a second warlock. Other than a few shadowy sightings that might have honestly been Retteg’s shadow and the guess of a drugged Shadowhunter given some seriously potent potions, there wasn’t much to go on.

He wasn’t going to bet Alec’s safety on it though.

“Perhaps a portal to the Institute?” Magnus offered next, undeterred. Alec usually liked walking or even combining his commute with his exercise and jogging to work instead. He did it at an ungodly hour, so Magnus wasn’t often even awake to see him off. _Of course_ he had woken up early this morning. What if he hadn’t? Alec didn’t even seem to have brought his bow home last night, how many blades did he have on him? What kind of weapons was he walking into a potential fight with?

His slowly blossoming panic was subverted when Alec pressed a kiss to his lips. Alec probably only meant it as a quick kiss to distract him but Magnus used a flash of magic to safely teleport Alec’s mug to the counter before he wrapped his arms around his Shadowhunter and deepened the kiss.

If his heart was going to pound for Alec, it should be for the feeling of Alec’s body against his, not because Magnus was half out of his mind with worry.

For a second, Magnus thought that things might have been going in a good direction. Alec moaned softly into the kiss and his hand curled into Magnus’ robe to pull him in even closer. Magnus stumbled back a few steps towards the bedroom and tried to pull Alec along with him but instead of following, Alec groaned in frustrated disappointment and broke the kiss. “I can’t.”

“Of course you can.” Magnus leaned back in.

Alec took two full steps back to put an entirely unwelcomed gap between them. “Retteg is being transported to the Guard today. I have to be there to sign off on the transfer.”

Magnus gave Alec what he knew was a sultry smile. The flush on Alec’s cheeks said it was working. “We have time.”

“The transfer is scheduled for 9am.” Alec shook his head regretfully. “We really don’t.”

Admittedly, they weren’t great at quickies. At least not if they were in the loft. They managed to keep things from getting too far out of hand admirably decently if they were in Pandemonium or even occasionally the Institute but at home…

“You know I’m right.” Alec said when he saw the look on Magnus’ face. “This is too important to miss, especially since we had a Clave Investigator shadowing us.”

“Fat lot of good _he_ was.” Magnus grumbled.

Alec gave him a tight smile, “Everyone knows the Investigators never actually solve anything. The Clave just needs to be seen as integral to any situation where Downworlders are killing Shadowhunters.”

_And here comes the worry again!_ “So, darling, about that portal?”

**\-------**

The monotony of clients had a way of evening out Magnus’ emotions.

Occasionally a client brought something truly interesting to his day, either through a choice piece of gossip or, less likely, because what they wanted from him was truly a challenge. Today was not one of those days.

Ordinarily Magnus might have been vaguely frustrated by the truly banal requests he was receiving. A potion to stop hair loss. A spell to catch a cheating husband. A potion for weight loss. Another spell to catch a cheating husband. Yet another vanity spell. Then, yet another cheating spouse.

The steady stream of scotch in his glass might have been the only thing keeping Magnus going by mid afternoon. Well, the scotch and Alec’s texts.

The transfer to Clave custody had gone smoothly and the Investigator from the Clave was finally out of Alec’s hair. The mood in the Institute was understandably somber and thankfully it seemed that demonic activity was low so they would all have a chance to recharge a bit before the shit inevitably hit the fan again. Alec had thankfully gotten a chance to spar with Jace after lunch which meant he would be in a better mood when he got home later.

All in all, the day wasn’t going nearly as badly as he had been fearing that morning.

A ping on his wards alerted Magnus that his next client would be at his door in a few moments. The young woman had called late last night and Magnus had agreed to squeeze her in because she promised that her issue, while pressing, wasn’t something likely to take too much time. She had been vague on the phone but she had also sounded like she had spent hours crying judging by the rough, nasal quality to her voice. Magnus had caved almost instantly, offering her the spot he was planning on keeping free to catch up on replenishing his own potion stock.

He had a feeling that he was going to be doing something related to yet another cheating lover but so be it.

A soft knock sounded on his door and Magnus tried to fix an encouraging smile on his face as best he could. He opened the door with less of a flourish than he usually used for new clients. A respectful tone seemed more important. “Hello, welcome.” He said to the young woman at his door.

Though she was a warlock, Magnus got the strong impression that she was still quite young. Her red hair was reminiscent of Clary’s and that only made seeing her bloodshot eyes and tremulous smile all the more difficult. Her dress looked rumpled, her knee was a little scraped like she had fallen while running and she had a death grip on her large grey purse as though Magnus was likely to snatch it. “Would you like me to heal that for you?” Magnus pointed at her knee and offered without thinking.

The girl – Sarah, if he was remembering right – froze for a second and Magnus held his hand up, ashamed at his lack of manners. “My apologies, my dear, you’re standing out in the hallway and I’m jumping ahead of myself. Please come in.” He opened the door wider and stepped back to give her space to enter without crowding her.

She stepped inside slowly and looked around like she wasn’t sure what area of his admittedly and purposefully full-on loft to focus on. “Hello.” Her voice still held the soft rasp of recent tears.

“Sarah, was it?” Magnus asked and she nodded, “Magnus Bane, it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” He held out his hand.

Sarah took it and they shook quickly. Magnus let go almost immediately, not wanting to be too intimidating. “Take a seat, would you like anything to drink?”

“No thank you.” Sarah perched herself on the very edge of his couch, set her bag in her lap and gave him a sickly sort of smile that looked all sorts of wrong. “Thank you for seeing me on such short notice.”

Magnus sat down in the armchair opposite the couch. “No trouble at all. How can I help you?”

“I know you can.” Sarah said with more animation than she had showed thus far. Her eyes took on a little light, as though she knew the answer to her problems was right in front of her. It was hard to resent taking clients when he found the rare gem who was actually in need and appreciative. A rare combo, in his vast experience.

“I’ll certainly try.” Magnus smiled. “Your call didn’t really explain the situation, however. I’ll know better if I can help and what the timeline would be if you can give me an in-depth description.”

Her smile grew wider and Magnus was almost surprised to see it. She hadn’t seemed capable of smiling when she called. “My boyfriend speaks very highly of you. He’s absolutely brilliant, so if he thinks you’re brilliant too then you must be.”

“High praise,” Magnus said graciously. “Is he a warlock as well?”

“He is!” Sarah’s young voice took on a quality that immediately put Magnus on edge. Not sycophantic, but not _not_ sycophantic. _She’s young_ , he reminded himself, _and it’s all right to think that your lover made the stars._

Sarah didn’t seem to notice Magnus’ disquiet, which meant that he’d thankfully been able to keep his smile fixed. She kept talking, “He knows so much! His work with potions is amazing.” She said before blushing, “He’s older than I am, a _lot_ older than I am, and he’s teaching me everything.” Her hands nervously fiddled with the zipper of her bag, inching it open only to zip it shut again, over and over again.

“If you don’t mind me asking, my dear,” Magnus started slowly. Age to a warlock was entirely different than age to a mortal. The older you were the more of a badge of honor it was. Magnus himself had thrown outrageous numbers out when he had been asked over the years but Sarah didn’t seem old enough to be that bold yet. He threw in the human nicety just in case she hadn’t gotten to the stage of immortality acceptance that included the urge to brag, “How old are you?”

“Twenty-five.” Sarah said with a nervous little laugh, “Like actually twenty-five. Not just that I stopped aging at twenty-five.”

Young indeed. “Well, I’m glad you’ve found a wonderful teacher. I assume this is a delicate matter, if you don’t want to speak with him about it?”

“I can speak with him about anything!” Sarah practically barked at Magnus. She faltered for a second, defensiveness and something else warring on her face for a split second before her expression visibly smoothed out, “I’m sorry. You’re right, I have to handle this myself.”

This time keeping a neutral expression on his face was harder. There were alarm bells starting to ring in the back of Magnus’ mind. Whoever this mystery warlock was – and Magnus hadn’t missed the part where she didn’t give a name – he was probably not everything wonderful like Sarah was making him out to be.

Magnus had seen it a thousand times before. A young lover, completely squashed and manipulated by someone older and more experienced. Magnus himself was extra conscious of that dynamic lately because of Alec. It would have been child’s play to manipulate his boy into loving him and worshipping him but he _never_ would have. Every step they had taken had been at Alec’s pace. Every moment when Magnus thought Alec might be putting him on a pedestal, he did his best to shatter the illusion. Every time Magnus found himself going too fast or coming on too strong, he forced himself to step back.

And his reward wasn’t sycophantic devotion, it was true honest love. There couldn’t truly be love without respect.

Magnus was beginning to suspect that there was little honest love or respect being shown to young Sarah.

“I would be delighted to help.” Magnus said more carefully this time.

Instead of answering or explaining, Sarah’s eyes slipped from Magnus’ face to something just to the right of him. A quick glance told him that her attention had likely been taken by a photo of him and Alec in Paris.

Considering her age and relative innocence, was it the sight of two men kissing that was causing the strange twist of her lips or was it Alec’s visible runes?

“My Alexander,” Magnus said softly, “He’s the Head of the New York Institute. He’s your age, I’d love to introduce you sometime. You two can compare notes on dating warlocks who have been around the block a fair few times.”

“I know who he is.” Sarah said simply. Her voice was flat so Magnus didn’t have much to go on in terms of the _Downworlders Hating on Shadowhunters_ scale. Things couldn’t be too bad, though, she was too young to have developed any deep distrust of Shadowhunters. Although, if her lover had a problem with Shadowhunters in general and perhaps even Lightwoods in particular then perhaps she would have a strong opinion to match. Magnus certainly didn’t have the corner market on Lightwood-aversion. Or, rather, he _hadn’t_ had the corner market. There wasn’t much Lightwood-aversion left in him.

“Perhaps we can all have a drink sometime.” Magnus said lightly, “After we solve your problem.” Hopefully she would take the hint and start explaining.

Sarah unzipped the bag again before she stopped moving and stared hard at Magnus, looking decidedly less upset than she had previously. Instead, she seemed almost flat. “You’re very kind.”

“I try to be.” Magnus said slowly, thoroughly puzzled.

“He has to pay for what he did. It’s not your fault.”

Magnus raised an eyebrow, “If your boyfriend has done something…”

“Not _him!_ ” Sarah cut him off angrily. “Never _him_. He was doing what was _right._ You wouldn’t understand. You’re kind but you’re stupid.”

_What in the world?_ “Sarah, please calm…”

“No!” Her hand curled into her bag she pulled a strange ball out. It seemed made of superfine glass but it was inside that caught Magnus’ attention. Was this what she needed help with? There were hypnotic swirls of red magic trapped within.

And then she pulled her arm back like she was going to throw it at him.

Magic lit Magnus’ hands but he was too slow. The ball left her grip and was crashing into Magnus’ chest before he could raise his hands.

Magnus went instantly limp, sliding down out of the chair and falling onto the ground. He hit the end table on the way down and he heard the frame containing the picture of him and Alec falling and cracking.

The truth became horrifyingly obvious.

_Maybe I am stupid._

Dark spots started clouding Magnus’ vision. He laid twitching on the ground, unable to do anything. Sarah’s shoes, scuffed from running away from the scene of the crime, came into view. She crouched down beside Magnus with a smile that glinted with instability.

“I know you can help me, you’re the only one who can.” Sarah said to him solemnly, “I have to make Alec Lightwood pay for what he did. I have to make him pay for what he did to Pierce.”

_Don’t do this,_ Magnus desperately wanted to say.

Instead, he could only fall under the rising tide dragging him down.

**\-------**

_Drip._

_Drip._

_A harsh growl._

_Drip._

_Claws scraping concrete._

“I need water.” Magnus mumbled.

_Quiet footsteps._

“Alec?”

“No, I’m not that filthy Shadowhunter.”

The rim of a glass pressed to Magnus’ mouth. What the girl said didn’t make sense but the water she was giving him _did_. He gulped at it desperately. _Thank you, thank you…_

She didn’t pull the glass away until it was empty and when she finally did Magnus was panting. He hadn’t paused for air, he _couldn’t_ , not until he got the strange taste out of his mouth.

“I meant what I said.” The girl said quietly with something strange in her young voice. “You’re kind. Pierce did tell me you were brilliant. I guess he just didn’t know how far you’d fallen.”

Suddenly, the world came into focus and Magnus remembered with a jolt that he felt all the way down to his fingertips. The warlock kidnapping, torturing and eventually killing Shadowhunters with no discernable motive other than hatred. The maybe accomplice. Alec’s team arresting Pierce Retteg, a warlock older than Magnus that had always been a touch out of his mind. The call from the devastated young girl. The strange behavior of Sarah and her almost violent reaction to seeing that picture of Alec.

“No,” Magnus jerked forward before he registered the chains wrapped around his body and a pole keeping him upright. He called to his magic but it was out of his reach. _The chains were magical dampeners._

Before Magnus could properly panic about that, another harsh growl caught his attention and he looked beyond Sarah. What he saw made his heart drop down into his stomach.

_Demons_.

The warehouse was filled with demons.

There were a dozen magically made pens lining the room like a gauntlet between the main, bay style door and the pole where Magnus was tied. Magical walls, clear and shining, each had a pentagram underneath and at least one demon within. Those walls were the only thing keeping them at bay and there was no way that they were tied to anything but Sarah’s whims. In seconds, this girl could wave her hands and unleash a wave of demons on the city the likes of which hadn’t been seen since Lilith had been banished back to Edom.

He was chained up, unable to access his magic, in a warehouse and surrounded by demons being held in too-small pens with containment spells.

Magnus took it all in and felt the horror grow.

_This was not going to end well._

Sarah didn’t smile, “You’re still helping me, just like you said you would.” It was such a strange thing to say and she made it even worse by speaking so flatly again. The words sounded like some sort of twisted form of comfort but the lack of emotion made it something far more sinister.

How had he ever been so foolish as to let his guard down around this girl? If he hadn’t have been such a fool, trying so hard to be as unthreatening as possible, he would have reacted faster. He had underestimated her and now he was paying the price in full.

“I won’t let you use me as bait to lure in Alec so you can get some sick revenge on him for doing his job!” Magnus snarled. He tried to twist his hands around to the chains so he could see if he could either get out of them or use any hint of magic to unlock them. They were too tight to do move more than a few millimeters up and down his wrists, chafing along his skin.

“I already have.” Sarah waved his phone in front of him and on the screen was a picture of Magnus tied up and unconscious. “I sent this to him a half an hour ago. Then I sent him the address seven minutes ago and told him to come alone.”

“He’s not stupid.” Magnus grit out, “He’ll come with a plan and enough fire-power to end you.” And that was true but Alec would also walk into this warehouse of horrors alone because he wouldn’t risk Magnus’ life. So many things could go instantly wrong. But then, that was the point. Alec would walk in to save Magnus and no matter who or what he brought with him, he would still be alone when Sarah let down the wards around the demons and unleashed them on one lone Shadowhunter. Alec was good but no one was _that_ good.

Sarah didn’t seem bothered by the idea that Alec would have his own plan and Magnus realized that she wasn’t really planning on getting out of this free and clear. She was willing to die for Pierce’s revenge. At best, she would be sent to the Guard as well and maybe she thought they could be reunited there.

If so, she was woefully under informed about how that Clave-run hell worked.

As he tried to do something, _anything,_ with the chains he also tried to take stock of the demons in the room. Were there any more mid-level castes that he had worked with before? Anything that might be able to be used?

The demon closest to him was a blackened behemoth of a thing. Magnus vaguely recognized it as a _Massiivinen_ demon, a nasty bastard with teeth that had a hollow line running through them so they could literally inject venom when they bit down. Behind that one was a cell of _Ravener_ demons, clawing at the magic holding them at bay. They would be easier to kill but would only add to the chaos Sarah was trying to create for when Alec arrived.

And then, _oh Angel,_ was that a _Eythlorg_ demon in the far corner? To kill one of those each it of its six hearts needed to be incinerated. One of those alone would require a team of Shadowhunters to take down and that wasn’t including the dozen or so demons scattered around the room, locked up and angry about it. What had Sarah unleashed on Earth in order to enact her revenge? These demons had been carefully chosen. Not one was a demon that accepted bargains or even had the capacity to make them, let alone honor them.

What hell was Alec going to walk into when he came to save Magnus?

“He doesn’t have time to come up with a plan. I’ve given him fifteen minutes to get here or I’ll kill you. He’s got eight left.” Sarah said, dragging Magnus attention back to her.

Her insistence on timekeeping caught Magnus’ attention and when Sarah saw it she gave him a small smile. “You shouldn’t really just drink things without asking what it is first, you know.”

Magnus felt his stomach sink. “What did you give me?”

“In about three minutes, you’re going to temporarily forget everything you know.” Sarah explained as though she was helping him understand why the sky was blue, not the method of his own destruction, “I’ll let you out of those chains and all that suppressed magic is going to come right to the surface, ready to fight for your life. What do you think your magic will do to the armed Shadowhunter you don’t know you love?”

Magnus’ breath caught.

He wanted to say that he could never forget Alec but he knew the power of potions better than most. He also knew how diametrically opposed those with angel blood were to those with demon blood. Even if Magnus didn’t know anything, his very being _would_ recognize Alec as a threat. Especially if Alec was slicing through demon-blooded things in his effort to get to Magnus.

“It’s not too late to stop this.” Magnus found himself begging. He didn’t care, not about his pride. How could he when Sarah was setting him up to murder Alec? “You said it yourself, I didn’t do anything wrong. I tried to help you. Pierce was _killing_ people. People with families, with lovers, with hopes and dreams and - ”

“Be quiet,” Sarah got in his face and Magnus could see the cracks coming through her calm façade. “He was protecting the Downworld!”

“From the most peaceful regime the Downworld has ever know? Alec has a _Downworld Cabinet!_ He invites all factions to come to him with problems. You can’t… you can’t…” Magnus stopped talking abruptly and stared at her. “You can’t…”

“I can.” Sarah said. “I’m already doing it.”

_Doing what?_ Magnus’ eyes travelled around the room. How had he gotten here? “Where am I? Where’s Alec?”

“Give it another minute.” The girl in front of him said. Her eyes watched him avidly, _eagerly_ , and Magnus was having a hard time remembering why beyond the fact that he hated her and he pitied her in equal measure.

But why did he hate her? What was this place? The certainty he’d had only a moment before slid away and Magnus was left gasping as he tried to make sense of what was happening.

And then a bolt of green lightning hit his chest and he threw his head back and screamed.

The pain was absolute. Something in his chest cracked and _Magnus_ _didn’t understand_.

_Please stop. Please, I don’t know what you want. I don’t know who you are. Just stop, please!_

Just as Magnus thought his heart was going to explode, the magic stopped. The heavy, constricting chains around his chest loosened and he slumped forward, falling to his knees and breathing heavily.

And then the lightning hit again.

His back arched so far he felt something creaking in warning. Lightbulbs shattered above, sending the room into darkness. Glass rained down and Magnus felt it hit his skin. Something inside of him welled, growing stronger and stronger as the pain dragged on. _I’m going to explode, I’m going to explode, please, I’m going to explode._

“Stop!”

The voice rang out over the roar in Magnus’ ears.

The lightning didn’t pull back, nothing changed. Nothing except himself.

There was no understanding.

There was no thought.

There was only magic and pain and fear and…

Magnus exploded.


	2. Chapter Two

_“Magnus? Magnus, it’s Cat. Talk to me, okay? I can’t take these cuffs off until you talk to me.”_

Magnus drifted.

He was warm and there was no more pain and that was all he needed.

_“How could his magic do that?”_

_“He was threatened and he didn’t know himself. Wild magic answered the call and Magnus has a lot of magic.”_

_“But Alec…”_

Soft hands touched his own and warm magic licked at his sore chest, washing away any lingering effects of the lightning. Except it hadn’t been lightning, had it? No, it had been magic.

_“Magnus, you need to wake up.”_

With a gasp, Magnus came out from under the water of his own exhaustion. He blinked at the ceiling, pulling air into lungs that weren’t starving for it but somehow couldn’t remember how to breathe properly. He’d passed out mid-scream and somehow he felt like he had picked right back up where he left off now that he was awake again.

Cat and Clary looked down at him, one on either side. Cat’s eyes were calculating, measuring both his health and his sanity. Frankly, he felt like he needed both checked before he pulled himself up from the scratchy Institute sheets. On the other side of the spectrum, Clary’s eyes were wide and a little worried. Somehow, she seemed less worried about the way Magnus was breathing and more like she was waiting for something else, although what he didn’t know.

“What… what _happened_?” Magnus panted at Cat because she seemed more like the one to work with here.

His oldest friend’s piercing gaze didn’t go softer. “You don’t remember?”

The question struck him almost physically. His own thought – about passing out screaming and waking up out of breath – poked at the tired corners of his memory. Everything felt so fuzzy. Why had he been screaming?

He shifted his arms, intending to push himself up so he was sitting properly on the bed, but before he could move more than a few inches, his wrists were caught in place and the metal on metal clang of chains caught his attention.

“ _Sarah_.” Magnus remembered slowly, “Pierce’s girlfriend, I didn’t know, I…”

“Breathe, Magnus.” Clary said but she didn’t reach out and squeeze his hand or lay her own hand on his shoulder like she normally would have. The absence of her usual casual touches felt more wrong than the cuffs on his wrists.

Was Clary afraid of him?

“Yes,” Cat said in a moment of truly unfortunate timing. She didn’t know it, she wouldn’t have meant it that way but it made Magnus strangely unwilling to look back at Clary and meet her eyes. “Your client Sarah was apparently really Retteg’s girlfriend. Young, impressionable and bat-shit crazy.”

The afternoon slow started taking shape in his memory and the dawning sun outside made Magnus even more afraid.

“She hit me with… with some sort of contained spell…” Magnus said slowly as the memories came back. The strange bubble of red magic that he had been too trusting to be properly on guard against. He hadn’t thought the girl a threat and he had been so desperate not to seem like one to her that he hadn’t trusted his instincts, hadn’t reacted fast enough… “ _No_.”

Cat reached out and wrapped her hand around his, “Yes.”

Images flew through Magnus’ mind, the warehouse and the demons and the young woman with a crazy glint in her eyes. The cottony and strange licorice taste in his mouth wasn’t from sleeping so long, it was from her potion – anise was a required ingredient in most potions relating to memories.

The taste made him remember what she had done. The strange sensation of slowly forgetting everything that made him _him_ tingled down his spine _._

He hadn’t understood her violent attack and that pain of not understanding why someone hated him so was a familiar ache that he had known since he was a child. To have felt it and forgotten it in the same moment defied explanation and yet it had come true. And then, the final memory slid into place and froze Magnus’s heart.

A voice in the middle of all that pain and confusion, demanding she stop – _Alec_ , he knew now. His Alexander come to save…

“ _No, no, no…”_ Magnus moaned.

The attack had been to coax out Magnus’ wild magic. To force him, the one who loved Alec so deeply, to be his executioner.

“I killed him. Oh god please, no.” Magnus felt tears streaming down his face, an unimaginable devastation their source. No wonder Jace and Izzy weren’t there. No wonder Clary stared at him like he was a monster. No wonder Cat had him chained to the bed, unable to access his murderous magic.

There was a strange rushing sound in his ears, like the flowing of his own blood out of the wound of his ripped out heart.

“Run, Clary, go find him.” Cat’s voice was so small underneath it all and though her hand held his tightly, even when the chains started heating up, she didn’t let go. “Magnus, I need you to listen to me.”

“My magic… I didn’t _know_!” Magnus sobbed. That was no excuse. How could have forgotten the one person he loved most in all his centuries? How could he have forgotten his Alexander?

Cat shifted beside him and grabbed his face in her hands, “Listen to me, you didn’t kill Alec.”

Magnus clenched his eyes shut and he shook his head, “My fault, all my fault.”

“You’re not listening to me.” Cat said insistently. _“Alec isn’t dead!”_

She had to be lying. Probably to spare them all another burst of his wild magic if he ever got the cuffs off. Not that he would – he deserved every hell the Shadowhunters threw at him.

Would they kill him for his crime? And if they did, would they give the honors to Jace?

“Magnus, I need you to focus on what I’m telling you.” Cat’s voice came to him like she was shouting through a storm. “Your magic lashed out once you were freed of the chains in the warehouse. You incinerated everything in there, demons, Sarah, the ceiling, the post you had been tied to… everything _but_ Alec.”

“That’s impossible.” Magnus shook his head again. “Cat, don’t lie to me.” Finally he opened his eyes again and Cat immediately met his gaze unflinchingly. She didn’t look away, the little furrow between her brows that usually gave her away to anyone who knew her well enough hadn’t formed, she looked so serenely sure of what she was saying that Magnus felt a single spark of hope ignite inside of his chest. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying, you ridiculously lucky bastard, that your magic apparently recognizes Alec even when _you_ don’t.” Cat’s lips finally pulled into one of her trademark smirks. “Don’t get me wrong, the blast of it threw him back and knocked him out cold, but everything else just went right through him. Jace and Isabelle were watching through a fire escape window and they saw the whole thing. Everything around him was turning to ash but the magic just went through Alec peacefully.”

Magnus stared at her unblinkingly. He had never in all his years heard such a thing but then there was something that sounded so right about what she was saying. Alec _loved_ his magic. He was never afraid, no matter what Magnus ever did with it. A hundred of spells that he had cast on Alec over the course of their relationship flashed in his mind. Healing spells, protection spells, cleaning spells, spells to track him, even spells to bring him to new heights of pleasure. So many brushes of his magic against Alec’s skin for all their months together.

Could his magic have really known that Alec wasn’t a threat? That Alec was not to be harmed?

“Where is he?” Magnus asked faintly.

“The Clave is being an absolute bitch about this.” Cat finally let his face go, although she didn’t go back to sitting in her own chair. “You blew the ceiling clean off that warehouse, Magnus. The mundanes saw it. We’re lucky Alec hadn’t stationed any of his team up there. He’s been running back and forth between sitting beside you and taking their calls when they start making noise about coming down here to assess the situation for themselves.”

Alec was protecting him, Magnus realized slowly. Of course, that _would_ be the only reason his Alexander would leave his side.

_He’s okay. That makes sense. He’s okay. Believe her, it’s true, it’s true, it’s true…_

“I sent Clary to go tell him you’re awake.” Cat explained. “And once you’re completely calm I can take these chains off you. Precaution, just in case the memory potion was more potent than I guessed or you woke up and _freaked out before I could explain anything_.” She gave him a small grin.

Her smile or her explanation for the chains didn’t really register. Later, maybe, but right now only one thought was ringing through his head. “Alec is okay?” The need to hear it again was inescapable.

“Alec is fine. Freaked out but fine.” Cat answered, “And before you start angsting, he’s not freaked out by your magic he’s freaked out because you’ve been unconscious for over twelve hours.”

Before Magnus could say anything else, the heavy doors to the Infirmary slammed open and Alec came skidding into the room. Once he saw Magnus awake, he froze. Clary and Jace came in behind him but almost instantly Jace pulled at Clary’s arm to tug her back out into the hall.

Not even the clink of metal or the feeling of his magic rushing back to the surface could tear Magnus’ attention away from the sight of Alec. In seconds, Cat and the chains were gone and the door shut and it was just the two of them.

Just Magnus and the angel he thought he’d killed.

Alec took a step closer and Magnus couldn’t help but to flinch.

“Magnus.” Alec looked devastated by the small movement. “Are you okay?”

He was wearing the same clothes from that morning – yesterday morning, he remembered. Though now they looked rumpled and dirty. His hair was disheveled, like had been running his hands through it too many times. There seemed to be a hasty attempt of combing made at the front, probably Izzy trying to make him presentable for the Clave.

Alec looked tired and worn and frantic and euphoric and tentative…

And blissfully, beautifully _alive._

“Darling, I am so sorry.” Magnus breathed out.

Alec took a slow step forward and when Magnus didn’t flinch away he took one after another until he could sink down into Cat’s vacated seat. His eyes were locked onto Magnus and he looked as though he was relearning every line and curve of Magnus’ face. “Why?” He asked hoarsely.

Magnus let out a startled, teary laugh, “Oh, I don’t know, perhaps because I almost _murdered you_?”

Instantly, Alec was sitting on the bed and though Magnus tried to pull his hands away, Alec wrapped his own around them and held them tight. “How could you think that? I’m alive because of you, Magnus. I’m alive because you love me so much even your magic knows it.”

Wild magic was a thing and Magnus knew the fatal power of it better than most. He had never _ever_ heard of it being able to distinguish between _threat_ and _non-threat_ , not when the life of the warlock was at stake.

“Before the potion kicked in, I was sure I was about to kill you.” Magnus admitted and he wasn’t ashamed of the way his voice broke. “Oh my love, I was so scared.”

“Me too.” Alec said quietly, “When I saw I had a picture message from you I never thought… My heart almost stopped when I saw what it was.”

Magnus could just imagine Alec sitting in his office doing his monotonous paperwork as a text notification came in. Smiling as Magnus’ name flashed on the screen, thinking he was about to get some cute picture of Chairman Meow or of the dinner Magnus was preparing or hell, even something a little bit naughty just in case Alec had the time for some fun. Then, the slowly dawning horror as he realized what he was being sent. “I’m sorry, Alec. She called last night and…”

“The young warlock girl crying.” Alec finished with an undercurrent of something dark and vicious in his voice. “You fit her in out of the goodness of your heart and _this_ was her plan the whole time.”

“She was strange from the start.” Magnus shut his eyes as he remembered each moment of _there’s something off about her_ that he registered and then ignored. “I thought… well, honestly I thought that her mysterious boyfriend was emotionally abusing her. I’m not entirely sure I was wrong.”

“Don’t feel badly for her.” Alec said fiercely. He pressed his palm to Magnus’ cheek. “Young and naïve isn’t an excuse for what she did to you or what she helped Pierce do to my people.”

Magnus agreed in his head but his heart wasn’t as certain, “I know that.”

“What she did is unforgivable.” Alec pressed. The line of his shoulders had gone tense in anger, “Or it would be, if she could face trial.”

_If she was still alive_ , that was what Alec was getting at. If Magnus’ magic hadn’t turned her to dust.

“Hey,” Alec leaned in closer, “Don’t go there.”

“I killed her Alec.” Magnus said a little woodenly, “Justifiably or not, I still killed her.”

The hard set of Alec’s jaw softened just a little. Magnus knew what he wanted to say, something about her torture or all the harm she had done but he also knew that it wouldn’t really change how Magnus felt. Later maybe, when he had gotten a chance to process this whole thing, but right now Magnus still felt vaguely guilty.

“The important part is that we’re both all right.” Alec finally said. “Okay? We’re here, we’re in one piece, and we’re together, that’s all that matters.”

That couldn’t be argued with. “You’re okay, right?”

“I’m fine.” Alec smiled gently at him. “How about you?”

Magnus felt vaguely achy in a way that suggested some extreme overexertion and he wanted nothing more than to pass out for another twelve hours but it could have been so much worse. Complaining when just ten minutes ago he had been sure that he had killed Alec seemed beyond wrong. “I’m fine, darling. Just tired.”

“Do you want to go to my room and go to sleep?” Alec offered with the voice of someone who had suffered too many nights on the hard mattresses and scratchy sheets of the Infirmary. Not that Alec’s Institute bed was much softer but at least Magnus had gotten him to accept the gift of silk sheets a while ago.

He nodded a little wearily, “I would love that.”

Alec jumped up, pulled the blanket back and held his hand out to Magnus. “Let’s go then. We’ll walk slowly.”

Magnus let Alec pull him to his feet and wrap an arm around his waist for support as they shuffled their way to Alec’s bedroom. Thankfully, the halls were almost empty and the few Shadowhunters they crossed paths with seemed incredibly invested in not looking at them. “I don’t think I’ve ever been ignored quite so hard in my life.” Magnus couldn’t help but remark.

Alec laughed quietly which was more than a little surprising. He was usually so on edge in case one of his people insulted Magnus. “I think you’re going to find a lot of people suddenly really eager not to get on your bad side. That was kind of a big display of power you did.”

Magnus flushed, “You say that like I did it consciously.”

Alec squeezed his arm around Magnus tighter, “No, they know you didn’t and that’s what makes it so impressive.”

What he was supposed to say to that, Magnus wasn’t sure. Finally, in about triple the time it would have taken them normally, they reached Alec’s room and Magnus found himself promptly ushered inside. While he stood there trying not to sway Alec rummaged through his drawers trying to find something suitable for them to wear. What Magnus would have really liked was to lay with Alec with nothing between them but that was maybe a little out of reach for the Institute. Especially if the Clave was bothering Alec as much as Cat said they were. “Is the Clave going to be upset if you go MIA?”

“Jace is my Deputy.” Alec threw a worn black t-shirt onto the bed before stripping his button down off quickly and throwing a dark blue shirt with the sleeves missing on instead. Sometimes it was hard to be angry at how old and worn out Alec’s clothes were when he got a view like that. “They can talk to him for a while. I’m allowed to go off duty after a twenty-four hour shift.”

Music to his tired ears, honesty. It wasn’t Alec’s usual stance on rest but even in this horrible situation, Magnus would take it.

Alec quickly changed into soft flannel sleep pants before helping Magnus into his own borrowed pajamas. The shirt didn’t appreciate his wider shoulders or biceps and the pants needed to be rolled up a bit but overall there was something wonderfully comforting sleeping in Alec’s clothes.

“I wiped your makeup off hours ago but if you need the bathroom for anything, go ahead.” Alec said so earnestly that Magnus had to stop and stare for a second.

“No, darling,” He said after a long pause, “I’m quite ready for bed.”

“Me too.” Alec smiled. He pulled back the blankets and Magnus gave a tired grin at the sight of the dark red silk sheets under the otherwise boring cotton blankets. Alec did look so good spread out on a crimson backdrop.

Then again, there weren’t many colors that Magnus wouldn’t have found appealing against Alec’s bare skin.

Alec spent a sweet but ridiculous amount of time fixing his few pillows around so that Magnus would be comfortable before laying down himself. The second the back of his head touched down on his single solitary pillow (the rest of them having gone towards ensuring Magnus’ comfort, despite his protests) Alec hissed quietly and froze a second.

“What?” Magnus sat back up, worried.

“It’s nothing,” Alec said. He turned onto his side and smiled at Magnus. “Lay back down.”

If Alec thought he could react with what sounded like pain to literally anything for the next week and have Magnus not react, he was out of his mind. “Alec, what was that?”

Alec tugged his arm again, trying to get him to lay back down. “Back of my head is just a little sore. No big deal.”

In seconds, Magnus had flipped Alec over so he was laying on his stomach so he could see back of his head. Cat’s earlier explanation of Alec being thrown and knocked out by the blast of his magic echoed in his ears. “Cat didn’t heal you? You didn’t use a rune?”

“I didn’t need one. I woke up as soon as Jace shook me.” Alec’s voice started muffled as he had his face pressed to the pillow from the haste of Magnus’ manhandling. After a second he managed to slide the pillow to the side so only half of his face was resting on it so he could breathe and see.

Normally Magnus might have felt bad about that but all he could see were a few strands of Alec’s dark hair matted together with blood. Objectively it wasn’t much blood and the lump underneath, though obviously tender judging by Alec’s tense shoulders, wasn’t huge but Magnus felt his blood run cold. Instantly, his hands lit with magic, ready to heal what should have been tended to hours ago.

“Don’t you dare use your magic to heal that,” Alec said sternly. “Hand me my stele.”

Wordlessly, Magnus grabbed Alec’s stele from the bedside table and pressed it into his hand. Alec shifted around on the bed so he could get at his healing rune and quickly activated it. Then, in a stunning show of obedience, he turned back around so Magnus could assess him again.

Magnus gently pressed his fingers down on the slowly receding bump, “You’re sure you don’t have a concussion?”

“Positive.” Alec answered firmly. “I was only out for a few minutes, Magnus.”

He sighed, suddenly more wrung out than he had been seconds before. “I didn’t even think about healing you, not consciously.”

“Just because your hands were behind my head doesn’t mean I couldn’t see the blue light from your magic, Magnus.” Alec said, thinking he was calling Magnus’ fib.

Magnus shook his head and Alec turned onto his side again to look up at him with worried eyes. “No, that’s not what I meant. I did try to heal you but I hadn’t even really thought about it. It wasn’t a conscious, thought out decision. You were hurt, I have magic, all there is to do is fix you.”

His brilliant boy saw where Magnus was heading with that. “So because taking care of me with your magic is so instinctual you think…?”

“I think my magic knows before I even think about what needs to be done.” Magnus finished. He looked down at his own familiar hands, no longer lit with his magic. Slowly, he let the magic rise up from wherever it went inside of him until there were lazy swirls of blue circling his fingers.

This magic had saved Magnus’ life ten thousand times over. He fought with it as effortlessly as breathing. Using magic was like flicking a finger, like twitching, like _breathing._ There was so little thought involved sometimes that Magnus hardly noticed a spell had been completed until suddenly his window had been opened to let in fresh air, or his sleep-mussed blankets had been straightened so there wasn’t a lump under his hip, or the coffee he was drinking got a little sweeter. Obviously a lot of his magic took thought and effort. Summoning greater demons, for instance, didn’t just happen because Magnus wanted them summoned.

But never in his life had he thought those little moments of his magic unthinkingly answering his needs would extend out to another person.

Even without any conscious thought on Magnus’ part, without any understanding or memory or _love_ , his magic had known Alec and had left him unharmed. Had maybe even protected him, if the state of the warehouse was anything like he was imagining.

“I wasn’t scared,” Alec said softly. He reached out a steady hand and traced his finger down the center of Magnus’ palm. The magic curled around his skin just the same as Magnus’, as though there was no real difference between them. “I only had about thirty seconds before I got thrown back with the force of it. Magic came out from you like a wave, hitting the things closest to you before me. I saw Sarah…” He took a deep breath, “I saw what happened to Sarah and I wasn’t scared because I knew it wouldn’t happen to me.”

How strange that Alec could be so certain and so unafraid of Magnus’ wild magic when Magnus himself wasn’t. Maybe because he knew more about it than Alec did, so he knew how incredibly rare it was for his magic to reacted the way it did.

Magnus wanted to ask him _why_ he was so sure. He wanted to ask what Jace and Izzy had seen and thought from their perches up above. He wanted to ask Alec exactly what he had done to Sarah and the demons – ‘turned to ashes’ wasn’t really a clear description; had it been instantaneous, had it been through flames, had anyone suffered, had Sarah gotten a chance to realize she was dying...

“Hey,” Alec said softly. “It’s okay.”

And it was, because they were okay, but it also kind of wasn’t. Those questions stuck in Magnus’ throat.

“Right now is for sleeping, all right?” Alec tugged Magnus down to lay beside him and this time Magnus let him, “We can talk about whatever you need to talk about later. All that matters now is you and me.”

Laying down with warm blankets on top of him and an even warmer boyfriend wrapped around him tugged at the lingering exhaustion that Magnus had been so valiantly pushing away since he had woken up. His head wasn’t as on board, though. All of those questions were coupled with horrible visions of what Alec must have seen. And then, the lingering devastation of thinking he had killed Alec.

That made no sense, he was fully aware. He _hadn’t_ hurt Alec, not really, so there was nothing to make his heart skip a beat. Those awful moments in the Infirmary with Cat had been just a terrible misunderstanding and they weren’t real.

He was going to have nightmares for years to come.

A warm hand gripped his hip and squeezed hard enough to catch Magnus’ attention. “I can feel you thinking. Stop.”

“Out of my control, darling.” Magnus said with a voice that, to his shame, shook just a little.

“What do you need?” Alec’s voice was quieter than Magnus’ had been. Such a big question to be asked in so hushed a whisper.

“I don’t know.” Magnus answered honestly. “I really don’t. Technically, nothing horrible happened. I killed demons – I’ve done that before and I don’t care that they’re dead. A young warlock who helped torture people and wanted you dead is dead by my own hands. Again, though the death of one of my people always weighs more heavily than a demon’s demise, I can’t say I regret it if it kept you safe. She got what she deserved. I can say that and mean it, even if my heart isn’t entirely convinced. I didn’t kill you. My worst fear hasn’t come to pass. I still have you, safe and sound in my arms. This was a _win_ , Alec.”

There was a pause before Alec said, “Some wins are better than others. And sometimes the _almost_ is nearly as painful as if it had actually happened.”

“Exactly.” Magnus smiled grimly up at the ceiling. Alec was curled up on his side, his head against Magnus’ shoulder and his arms and legs were tangled possessively around Magnus. This was a safe as he could ever get and in turn he could keep Alec just as safe.

And still, the _almost_ was haunting him.

Alec didn’t say anything else. Instead, he just started tracing what Magnus was slow to recognize as runes onto his hip. His breathing slowly started to even out and Magnus could feel every little exhale against his skin.

He hadn’t realized how tense his whole body was until he felt Alec relaxing into sleep next to him.

And even as Alec started to get sleepy and the rune tracing got slower, it didn’t stop. His Shadowhunter was keeping himself just the tiniest bit awake just in case… just in case of what? Nightmares? Magnus panicking again?

Or maybe, like Magnus, his _almost_ was haunting him too. He, after all, had been the one sent a photo and told that he had less than half an hour to save the one he loved.

Magnus turned his head to the side so he could press against Alec’s hair and inhale deeply. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Came back instantly, sleepy and soft.

Tomorrow Magnus might have to reckon with what had happened and what had almost happened. Tonight the only thing that mattered was them.

Slowly, _finally_ , Magnus fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kind words, I really appreciate it! I hope everyone enjoyed the story :) 
> 
> Feedback is love.


End file.
